Board Thread:Fun and Games/@comment-33820483-20200728192239/@comment-33820483-20200730205047

so, I got my first review of my first chapter (not including the prologue). a negative one. I thought "ok, it was bad. good. that means I can learn from this and try to improve upon it when I upload my second chapter."

maybe it was too slow a start? that's what I was aiming for: a Final Fantasy-type start where things speed up over time, while having the characters stay true to the original source material.

but here's the problem: the review never specified what made it bad. was it the structure? the writing itself? was it cringey? did I have grammatical errors? what did I do wrong?

I can't exactly get better at writing if the flaws are not specified.

is anyone able to read the first chapter and tell me what I did wrong? please be specific. I can't judge whether it's good or not because I'M writing it.

is it too dumb? or is it told in a bad way? do things start too sudden? what can I remove/edit to make it more likeable. I'm too scared to even START writing the second chapter in fear that nobody will like it simply because of the content. it's eating me up inside.

is anyone able to offer advice or suggest changes to make it better/tolerable?